Reflection

This morning one of my friends from my ward growing up passed away after a long and hard fight with cancer. It has been a while since I have seen her and I wish I could have said good bye other than on her blog last week. I wish all the hope and love I have to her family. I will miss her.

This year it seems like death is a part of life for us. From our niece Shelbie passing away at the end of December and Michelle today it had been on my mind. It makes me think about my own life and what Dev and I are doing as a family. I am sorry that it has taken these situation to make me feel this way but how can you avoid it when it is presented. I worry that we are not doing all of the things that will help us get back to our father in heaven and that we need to improve our life so that we can be together as a family. Just thinking of not having Dev and Parker with me brings a hurt to my hart that I can not express with words. It has also made me feel like I take for granted time spent with my sweet boy. I have been quick to yell and even told Devin that I didn't want any more kids and that I don't even think I want the one I have (it has been a long week.) I told Dev I was leaving and never coming back (just talk.) and he said trying to make me laugh "Oh No PK we ran mama off" But it makes me feel so bad to have this thought. Here sweet Michelle has left three children and my sister in law has lost her little girl and I am making comments that I want to give mine away. I don't even know what I am trying to say.............. But it just keeps hitting in many different ways that you don't ever know the time you will have with the ones you love and that I need to take a step back get our family on track with some things and enjoy them for who they are now and be a better mom and wife. Dev and Parker I love you guys more than anything in the world. I don't know what I would do with out my guys. Dev your the best husband in the world. You make me laugh and smile all the time. You bring so much joy and happiness into our home. Your the best dad and I couldn't do life without you. Parker your my baby. I will love you forever. I love you more than life. You bring so much of everything to Dad and I. I don't know how we ever got along with out you. I love to hold you and to here you say mama. It is one of the best sounds in the world. I love you guys.